It’s nothing but boredom, bewbs and butt-cheeks when college grad Audra gets her dream home in Cape Cod as a graduation gift but that dream ends up being a nightmare when an uninvited guest (maybe guests) pays a visit during her tiny homecoming gathering. The remote place was once in the ownership of the prominent New England Tupp family. They made their fortune from fur trading and whaling but as the years went on they met with misfortune and eventually disappeared. That definitely has something to do with the large woodsman (Kane Hodder himself) wandering the surrounding forest, wearing a goat head and using a hedge trimmer to violently dispatch trespassing idiots. This brings our attractive but vapid characters into mortal danger. When your cast consists of OnlyFans models you’ll be able to get some T&A on display but the acting prowess isn’t exactly impressive. I have no problem with making money in sex work, if I were attractive it’s how I’d be surviving but dialogue and comedy fails in the hands of folks who usually just thank their supporters and spread their buttholes. I’m actually not sure if these are OnlyFans models… I just assumed. There’s plenty of boobs, a few bums, wet violence and Kane Hodder got a paycheck (which I will never complain about) but you don’t really give a damn about the characters and the drawn out scenes kill any hope of professional pacing the upscale production had you thinking may exist. There’s a dream involving a chick in skimpy underwear wandering around a foggy graveyard (THAT’S GOOD!), the emoting ability of a pond pebble (THAT’S BAD!) and a goat-headed dude with a Darth Maul-ish hedge trimmer (THAT’S GOOD!) but he doesn’t become a major threat until about an hour in (THAT’S BAD!). The limited amount of cannon fodder also deters from the film doing what it does best. It’s a braindead, lazy slasher flick that is admittedly easy on the eyes but not worth the nearly 100 minutes it takes to tell its story… but at least the ending is dumb as fuck.
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