⭐️
A local legend puts an end to the shenanigans of some annoying twenty-somethings (maybe thirty-something) during their vacation. The film opens with a trio of criminals holed up in a nice cabin with a bunch of cash. One of them is the goddess known as Tiffany Shepis and the other two have some nasty scars. A bank robbery went bad and innocent people died but you can forget about all that because this trio isn’t around long. Some dude who looks like Jason Mamoa on meth, takes out the three right-quick. Enter the vacationing friends checking out their digs… the very same cabin where we lost the only reason I decided to watch this thing in the opening minutes (RIP Queen Shepis… I miss you already). The friends get situated and we get introduced to the chubby annoying fellow in the group who I imagine is supposed to be viewed as hilarious but within two seconds I was already dreaming of his death. There’s a lesbian couple who are horny, a drunk dude who is having issues with his girl thanks to an ex being around, a girl with bangs who’s now with the girl’s ex, a drunk girl with red hair who quotes Fat Bastard from Austin Powers, a guy who grills and another dude who makes out with the red head after she throws up in his mouth. They have conversations that suck and mostly act like they hate each other. Grill-guy struggles through the telling of the terrible history behind the cabin concerning The Axeman and the trail of bodies he left in his wake. Chubby guy talks to his penis and then gets his throat slit and I cheer to the heavens that he perishes first. The next morning nobody seems to notice but there’s some poorly written and performed drama between some of the idiots, so I guess their heads are elsewhere and they don’t give a shit about the missing fat guy. I’d be pretty thankful that he wasn’t around to bother folks. When they stop to question his absence, they begin to think the lore of the area may have something to do with it. They split up to look for him and we learn that even in death, Chubbs McCormick is ruining people’s lives. One person dies who isn’t even looking for the missing friend and then the partying continues. There’s some nudity and then more death. Insufferable or unmemorable people get murdered by a killer who can’t even be bothered to wear a mask or stick to using an axe. Man, fuck this movie. One star for Shepis and Brinke Stevens showing up as the sheriff.
No comments:
Post a Comment