Beware! Children at Play (1989) (USA)

aka Goblins

⭐️⭐️⭐️

A disturbed, woods-dwelling teen brainwashes the children of a small town and turns them into zombie-like cannibalistic killers. A writer and a sheriff eventually discover the awfulness but do little to block the flood of blood. The film opens with a camp outing between father and son. They eat some fish, sing terribly, play hide and seek and then papa steps in some kind of varmint trap and fucks up his ankle. Typical camping trip with dad, really. Days pass and nobody comes looking for them. Rations dwindle, papa loses his mind as insects feed on his leg wound, dad eventually succumbs to his wounds and the kid eats his innards. This is the origin of the teenage weirdo. Ten years later, the writer John (an author of books on paranormal phenomena) and his family visit his old friend in the New Jersey boondocks following the disappearance of the man’s daughter. A helpful Bible salesman lets them know the area’s dark history and about a recent spate of missing kids, when they stop to see if he needs help with his stalled car. Convenience in action. Not so convenient is when he ends up getting cut in half by someone with a scythe. John’s old buddy, Sheriff Ross, explains how they have no leads on the missing kids and is hoping his friend can lend him a bit of assistance, hopefully figuring out what the hell happened to his daughter and the other missing kids. The town doctor struggles emoting as he questions the author’s authenticity and the small town is getting fed up with the lack of answers. John brings a psychic in to assist, a religious dude in old-man makeup knows there’s some evil shit going down, an obnoxious reporter stirs shit up, the sheriff’s wife is losing her shit and John’s wife thinks his books and beliefs are absolute bullshit. Hilariously, the psychic (who abuses the term “deary”) is lured out into the woods and murdered before she can do anything to help. Like I said, our heroes know something strange is going on, they’re just really slow to figuring things out and there’ll be a bunch of bodies piling up before anything is done to put a stop to the awfulness. That “stop” is the backwards and overly-religious townsfolk taking action and wiping out the tiny terrors with brutal efficiency. It’s undoubtedly stupid, very cheap and charmingly fun… when there’s more than town dramatics happening on screen. The cast looks like they all drink together in a very dark bar with wood-paneled walls and one dollar mystery shots. My kinda people. If it was meant to be taken anywhere close to seriously, the climatic child massacre would probably be unwatchable… and I don’t even like kids. “Tear it to pieces! Bite through the bones! Gulp the blood! Gobble the flesh!”