I thought Kalamazoo, MI was just a wonderful place to partake in a variety of breweries and bars… I was wrong. Two hunters disrupt a burial ground when their trip brings them deep into the wilds on some private property. The uncovering of a horned skull heralds bad times ahead as this unsettling artifact brings unfathomable evil with it. The reality of Michigan dads is well realized as bar frequenting, carpeted living rooms, tucked-in flannel, male pattern baldness and lame jokes charm the ever-loving shit out of me during the opening stretch. The early melodrama is a whole lotta butt as the firemen protagonists have a rough day involving burnt babies, drinking problems, marriage issues and a missing daughter (thankfully it’s not all just one guy’s issues). That’s alot of drama for a small Michigan town. Especially one this full of folks that may not be able to stress the emotional range needed. Anyways, Alex (sad drunk with marital issues) and Wayne (fire chief looking to help out his guy) are the two dopes wandering the woods and disturbing burial grounds they probably should have just moved on from. Alex protests but Wayne is concerned about the growing number of missing people in the town and thinks this may answer some of those questions. Wayne had to break the news to one of his men that his daughter was among the missing so now he’s taking it personal. One unearthed monster skull and the duo get spooked and flee out of the woods from the Evil Dead POV cam. Alex and Wayne flee to the local watering hole (wood paneled!) and drunkingly decide to keep their little experience a secret. Well, best of luck with that because evil don’t forget a face and now trouble is a brewing… haphazardly. A goofy (meaning awesome) monster is roaming around murdering locals and leaving body parts for Alex while the cops have their thumbs firmly planted up their asses. The coroner stiffly reports that the bodies appear to be chewed and Alex (his wife is staying with her mother because the man can’t stop drinking his problems away) goes to stay with one of the detectives on the case. Small town livin’. The detective looks like George Michael if he was an accountant and not in WHAM! and his wife is a talkative weirdo who dreams of turning their house into a bed and breakfast. The boar-man monster is ridiculous as the man in the modified gorilla costume runs around on all fours and massacres any poor sap in its way. Alex decides to take matters into his own hands when his wife gets maimed by the bulky booger. Awkwardly paced and performed by a cast of characters who may all have brain damage, this one can be a bit of a chore to make it through. There’s enough backyard fun to hold onto and I’ve got plenty of respect for any of these regional oddities, it just seems to lack that crucial enthusiasm that usually has me falling in love with these kind of flicks. Now, there seems to be a little more budget to play around with here which may account for some of the other lacking areas as we get multiple monsters, an explosion and some honest firemen exercises. The centuries-old last act reveal is my kind of fun but just makes you wish the whole thing could have been as excitable as the last ten minutes with a shirtless Alex running through the woods, a psychic link out of nowhere and two monsters tearing into each other. The real demon is alcoholism… I think that’s the message of the film. I doubt Kalamazoo approved it.
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